You have made the decision to stop using or doing “it.” It might to stop drinking, stop using drugs, stop gambling, control your eating, or stop sexual acting out. I collectively call all those substances and behaviors “IT.” The question now becomes how do you stay abstinent from these substances and behaviors. Turns out the methods for dealing with one addiction or another are pretty universal. Below is a set of tools you can use to achieve stable abstinence from any substance or addictive behavior. Some time ago I came up with the acronym HEADS that identifies these tools. HEADS UP reinforces the need to be vigilant (“Heads up!”) and to remain confident in your ability to stay sober (“keep your head up”).

High risk situations – Identify your potential risky stimulus situations. Your cravings to do “IT” are classically conditioned to certain triggers. These can be certain people, social circumstances, times of the day or week, mental attitudes, and a host of other “traps” ready to trip you up. An important step is to learn to recognize these triggers so you can effectively deal with them. Typically that means avoiding them. When you cannot avoid them, then developing a sobriety plan for effectively dealing with the trigger. Often that means having a support person accompany you.

Help from others – Research has shown that recovering people who enlist the help of others stand a better chance of staying abstinent. Using or doing “it” is often a substitute for human relationships. A recovery goal is to replace “it” with people and healthy relationships. Ideally, people in your life should know you are trying to get sober and support your decision. This includes, spouses, intimates, family, friends, coworkers, and even bosses. It is also important to become involve in a self-help recovery organization. These include the various 12-Step programs and faith organizations. Once you start attending meetings seek to develop friendships and relationships in those programs. For the 12-Step programs it is important to find someone, a sponsor, who will help mentor your recovery.

Health maintenance – Pay attention to your health. Depending upon the substance it could take months before your brain re-regulates itself. During that time it is important to eat right, get enough sleep, and exercise. If you are having persistent problems with your mood or insomnia then it might worth getting a non-addictive medication to help stabilize your mood and help you to sleep at night.

Escape from triggers – As stated before it is important to avoid certain people, places, and things (PPT). You may need to let go of using friends and people who upset you. You want to avoid going to bars or areas of town where you purchased drugs. Individuals struggling with pornography addiction will want to avoid “things” like adult websites and have blocks on their computer so they cannot access those sites.

Arguing with yourself and others; You will have to deal with people who want you to go back using. That includes yourself. Develop canned responses to people when they ask you if you want a drink (e.g., “No thanks) and how to respond to pressure from others to use. Of course the one person you will most have to deal with is that side of yourself who wants to go back to using – the “addict brain.” Others and yourself will tell you “it’s OK to do it this time, you can handle it, nobody’s looking.” These are very persuasive arguments and you need to have a number of comebacks. Research shows the more arguments you have for sobriety the greater the likelihood you will remain sober. There are three basic sets of arguments you can use against others and yourself. I call this TAG your “it.”

Remember the Trouble “IT” has caused you – Time heals all wounds. Generally this is a good thing. However, there are some wounds it is better we do not forget. When you are feeling tempted to use it is important to remember the bad things “it” has caused you. You know, the encounters with the law, that person threatening to leave you, going to the hospital for overdoses, nearly dying, losing your job, and a host of other bad things that have happened because of your use of “it.”

Be Assertive, just say NO – Resist the devil and he will flee it says in the Bible. Nancy Reagan was derided for simply telling people to “just say ‘no’” to drugs. Guess what, there was some merit in what she said. There are a variety of ways to say “no” to yourself and others. They include; “No thank-you.” “Not right now.” “Not tonight.” “I’m taking it easy.” “I don’t want to.” “I can’t because I’ve got things to do tomorrow.” “I’ve given that up.”

Remembers your Goals – It is important to set a sobriety goal for yourself and it keep mindful of it. This is a goal that is more than just staying abstinent. It is something you desperately want that you can only achieve by staying abstinent. What that is depends on you and what is going to motivate you. The goal does not have to be lofty but it has to motivate you. Possible goals might include; getting off probation, getting your health back, getting into shape, being able to run that 10K, earning enough to go on vacation, and receiving forgiveness from your family. The interesting thing about highly motivational goals, the abstract idea of wanting something in the future will help you overcome your body’s needs and wants now. For example, if you want to run that 10K bad enough you will get out and train even when your body and the weather say “not today.” Being mindful of your goal will over-ride cravings to use or do “it.”

Distract yourself – The first tool any recovering person discovers for himself or herself is to “keep busy.” Keeping busy is a way of distracting yourself from cravings and thoughts about using or doing “it.” There is a lot of truth to the old adage “idleness is the devil’s workshop.” A significant high risk situation or trigger is being bored and having nothing better to do. Using or doing “it” is a way to pass the time. Consequently, it is important to fill up your time staying active. One way to do this is to come up with a “sobriety project.” This is an occupation that keeps you busy and gives you a sense of meaning and fulfillment. Getting sober is a good time to do a home improvement project, begin an exercise program, or start a new hobby.

Slow down; Handling stress and anger – In the past we coped with stress and emotions by using or doing “it.” We suddenly stop using and doing “it” and discover we do not do well with stress and emotions, especially the negative ones. Stress and intense emotions (both positive and negative ones) present a high risk situation. Long-term recovery involves learning how to deal with stress and emotions through adaptive coping skills, both mental and behavioral. This takes some time, but early on it is important to simply tell yourself to “slow down,” “take it easy,” “cool it,” “calm down,” and “relax,” and “think about it first before you do something stupid.”

Spiritual development – We all have to deal with the questions of what is the ultimate reality (e.g., God), what our place in the ultimate scheme of things, and what is our relationship with the ultimate reality. Drugs and ritualized behavior have long been methods of trying to answer these questions. Just about any kind of substance and/or addictive behavior has been used to seek answers to these questions. Substance use and addictive behavior are ways to commune with God, become God, or avoid God. Consequently, recovery has to deal with these issues too. This is one reason why 12-Step programs have been so successful. They deal with issues of spirituality. It is important for you to begin to explore how you feel about these questions. It is important to explore your spirituality or why you choose atheism. A possible sobriety project is to begin questions of faith. After all, faith systems and faith organizations have been curing addicts for thousands of years.

Stay on course – There may come a time when you might slip up and use or do “it.” Slips and relapses are part of recovery. We are dealing with biological urges and engrained habits. Combine that with moments of personal weakness and you are bound to slip up. When you have a slip it is important to get on it right away. Tell someone you trust what happened. Figure out what happened. Make a plan to effectively deal with that trigger in the future. Take stock of your recovery plan. Do you need to do something different to stay abstinent? Finally, recommit yourself to your recovery.