Coping with Depression – Part One
The key to a happy life is to do three things everyday- have something to do, show love to someone, and have something to look forward to. Ancient Chinese proverb

Life can be tough at times. Nearly everyone has felt depressed or down in the dumps for one reason or another. Normally, tough times never last, but tough people do. At times the tough times linger on for what seems like an eternity. We might begin to feel destined to feel miserable. However, tough times and misery do not necessarily go together. There are people facing dire circumstances and still manage to be optimistic and joyful. Other people have everything a person could want and still feel miserable.

When you are feeling miserable, despite your circumstances, you may be feeling depressed. Depression is that sense of despair, hopelessness, and discouragement you feel in the pit of your stomach. For most people it is just a passing feeling that comes and goes in response to difficult circumstances or setbacks. For others it lingers most of the day, day after day.

Depression is caused by three factors. People are biologically disposed to becoming depressed. It often runs in their family. A parent may have had this problem. Certain diseases like diabetes, hypothyroidism, sleep apnea, and chronic pain dispose people to developing depression. The second factor that causes depression are your circumstances. Things are not right in your life. You hate your job. You are not getting along with your spouse or family. Money is tight. Adversity is part of life. We all experience, but it hits some of us harder than others. The third factor is your mental attitude. What you say to yourself about your circumstances can cause you to feel hopeful or lapse into despair and hopelessness. Your mind can heal you or it can slay you.

When people have a biological disposition to depression a good medical workup is in order. It is important to get with your doctor to make sure there are not any medical conditions that could be causing your depression and get the right treatment for it. Address the medical condition, and your mood should improve. Sometimes your doctor might recommend an antidepressant medication. Be open to it. Antidepressant medications are not addictive and they do not mean you are morally or psychologically weak.

In addition to the pills there are the skills. There are a number of steps you take to help yourself out of feeling depressed. Do these steps and I promise you that you will feel better. You might not cure yourself of depression, but do these things and you will feel better.

The Chinese have an old saying stating the key to a happy life is to do three things everyday- have something to do, show love to someone, and have something to look forward to.

When I heard this proverb I realized it summarized what we need to do when we feel depressed. It is more than just folk wisdom. Research shows that when depressed people do these things they will say they feel better.

#1 Have Something to Do

The first step to overcoming depression is to live an active life. Depressed people want to treat their condition as if they have the flu. She just want to stay in bed and wait for things to get better. This strategy works well when you have the flu, but only makes you feel worse when you are depressed. Actually, the best way to deal with depression is to do the exact opposite of what you feel like doing. The more active you can be the less depressed you will feel. However, some activities are better than others. Some activities will make you feel worse in the long run. I’m talking about self-medicating yourself with alcohol or drugs.

So what activities will make you feel better?

Work

Get to work. Use your time constructively. Do something productive. It does not have to be very much. Instead of calling off work, go to work. Clean your home. Watch the kids. Fix something. Volunteer your time.
Work give us a sense of meaning and purpose. When we feel depressed we think our lives are worthless, without meaning or purpose. The best thing we can do to counter the sense of worthlessness is to get to work.

Play

Depressed people wrongly feel they cannot enjoy themselves. The technical term for this is anhedonia – the inability to experience enjoyment. The fact is that depressed people only think they cannot enjoy themselves. The truth is that when depressed people do something fun, guess what, they enjoy themselves. They feel less depressed in the moment.

Consequently, the second thing you should do everyday is to do something fun. That is, you should play. Work provides us with meaning but to only work leads to drudgery. Play puts spice in our life. Fun and play make us smile and laugh. Start a hobby or some other recreational activity. Hobbies are great because they combine both work and play.

Exercise

Get your body moving. Research finds that physical activity is one of the best antidotes to depression. This can overlap with working and playing. Exercise does not necessarily mean joining a health club, power lifting, or jogging for miles every day. Simple exercise like taking walks, riding a bicycle a few miles, or doing yardwork is enough.

#2 Show Love to Someone

We are social beings. We need others even though they get on our nerves. We need relationships. Those relationships can be a trigger for depression, but generally they help us to feel better when we feel down. Relationships keep us from feeling lonely and isolated in the world. When we feel depressed though, our impulse is to withdrawal from others. Once again, the way to pull ourselves out of depression is to do the exact opposite of what we feel like doing. Rather than retreating from others, approach them. This step can be divided into three aspects – be with others, talking with others, and doing things for others.

Be with others

One of the best things a depressed person can do to feel better is to simply be in the company of others.

Many years ago I worked at a mental hospital and often treated people with major depression. We had them rate their mood throughout the day and what they were doing at the time they rated their mood. As an aside, we found their mood fluctuated during course of the day. They were not constantly at the same level of depression. When we saw they rated their depression as less, we asked what they were doing at the time. Many would say they were simply sitting in the dayroom in the company of others. They were not necessarily talking with anyone. They were just in the mere presence of others.

So when you feel depressed get out of your bedroom and be with others. Get out of your home. Get a cup of coffee and read the paper on your smart phone at the coffee shop. Go window shopping at the mall. Have lunch in the lunch room at work. Go where people are.

While merely being around others will improve your mood, you can do more for yourself by getting involved in a group. Join a club. Play a sport. Attend worship services. Go to a Meet Up event.

Talk to Others

Once you feel comfortable being in the presence of others the next step is to talk to them. Force yourself to smile and say “hi” to coworkers you pass by at work. After that asked people how they are doing and what they are up to. You do not have to be a good conversationalist. Most people enjoy talking about themselves. All you have to do is listen. Call friends and family.

One of the things you can talk about with trusted friends and family is what has been bothering you. A true friend will want to listen. Getting things off your chest will help you to feel better.

Be mindful, they cannot dwell on your problems. Friends and family will become exhausted if the only thing you talk about is your problems. Friends and family are not only good for listening to your problems, they are also good for getting your mind off your problems. Others can give emotional support but having fun with them is another form of showing emotional support.

Do Things for Others

Depressed people are typically wrapped up too much with themselves. They need to get out of themselves and focus their attention outwards. One of the best ways to do this is to do acts of kindness for others. Acts of kindness is what love is all about. Doing something for others is one of the best ways to feel better. Acts of selflessness are one of the best ways to feel like you have done something meaningful. You have worth when you do something for another person.

Acts of kindness can be great or small. Volunteering your time helping others is a great act of kindness. Small acts of kindness include; holding the door open for someone, taking some snacks to work , yielding to another car on the highway, buying a small gift for someone, doing a chore for someone, playing with children, or simply telling someone they look nice today.

#3 Look Forward to Something

Feeling hopeless, that things are never going to get any better, is one of the cornerstones of depression. The best cure for hopelessness is to have something to look forward to. A colleague friend of mine and world traveler used to say “you should always be planning your next vacation.”

Having something to look forward to will motivate us, inspire us, and help us get through a tough day. The thing we look forward to is the “light at the end of the tunnel.” The thing we look forward to is a happier moment in time at some point in the future. We do not just have to hope for happier times, we can plan them.

These happier moments may not solve our problems or our depression, but they can be needed respites.

Having things to look forward can be in the immediate future, the next few days, or in the next several months.

Have Something to Look Forward to Today

Give your day structure. Not knowing what you are going to do today is a bad place to be. It has been said the first step to sanity is to have a routine. At the very least, look forward to the routine of your day. Plan your day. Populate it with activities, fun, and people. Plan one special thing you look forward to doing today and look forward to it. It might be to exercise, talk with a family member, or watch a favorite TV program.

Have Something to Look Forward to This Weekend

Weekends are meant to be different from the rest of the week. It is a time to relax, get things done at home, and spiritually recharge your batteries. Most depressed people do the same thing on the weekend as they do during the week. No wonder their lives seem dull to themselves. Make a plan of what you are doing to do this weekend (or on your next day off work). Plan something special this weekend. Start a new project. Visit somebody. Get outside. Go out to dinner. Go see a movie. Go to a worship service.

Look Forward to Something in the Next Several Months

To restate my friend “you should always be planning your next vacation.” Realistic anticipation of a better time in the foreseeable future helps use to put up with a difficult time now. If the job is getting to you, guess what, that vacation is only a few months away. We can endure hardships today when we have a realistic hope of a better time in the future.

So begin planning that next vacation or what you going to do when the weather gets better. Begin planning that next home improvement project. Make plans for your garden. Instead of just thinking about going to school, make the commitment and register for classes. Talk with your family about organizing a family reunion. Make plans to visit that family member you have not seen in a long time.

Epilogue

When you are facing difficulties in your life there is seldom a quick easy fix. That does not mean you have to be miserable while you are going through a tough time. You still have to live life during the tough times. While you are still working though the problem you still have to work, play, be with others, and plan for the future. Doing these three basic things will make life easier until things work out. DO THESE THREE THINGS AND YOU WILL FEEL BETTER TODAY!